Humility is important

I’m swamped under with work right now, but I’ve let this blog sit idle for too long…so I’m going to do a quick post on something that, sadly, I encounter often…the lack of humility.

I’m a big believer in being confident about what you believe in, what you do, and yourself in general. That being said, in any artistic industry there are those that understand the difference between confidence and pomposity, and those who don’t.
You know who I’m talking about..

The writers (published or not) that bash other writers, agents, publishers, whomever…in blogs and public forums, on social media and on websites. Authors that purvey a sense of superiority and entitlement.
The ones that make you cringe with their self importance.

Let me be abundantly clear, being a writer is a wonderful occupation. I have the utmost respect for writers.
Writing as a career is a culmination of hard work, dedication, and dreams.
It’s not easily attainable and society does hold published authors in high regard. It’s like reaching a Holy Grail of sorts, and a fantastic accomplishment…..

However….

Let’s go back to the important word in that paragraph. Occupation. Yes, it’s an occupation, a career, a way to make a living for the few that can reach that level. It’s a job. Are you reading me here?

Any career takes a certain amount of fortitude, dedication and sweat. Let’s use the medical profession as an example; any career in medicine requires additional education, lots of studying, and hard work. I have a great respect for people who work in medicine, it’s something I could never do, I’d be an emotional wreck. When I have had to see a doctor, or physical therapist, or take my daughter to a pediatrician, I want to see the best one available. I also want someone who is kind, humble, and approachable.
That is key.
If that crucial component is missing, you can bet I will never return.
Image matters, personality and goodness of heart matters.
Humility and relatability matter.
Capisce’ ?

So why should it be any different for writers? Truthfully, it’s not. If a writer is not in touch with humility, they simply won’t have continued success. In cases of unpublished writers, that are being shopped by an agent, unless they posses some modesty and redeeming qualities in their personalities, they probably won’t publish a second book.

I’ve worked with a wide range of authors.. some who have had one published novel that sold 5000 or so copies all the way up to authors that have had 8 NYTimes bestsellers.
The common denominator in success that I have observed?
They never let it go to their head.
Ever.
They never stopped being kind, relating to their fans and authors of other books or genres, they always strive for improvement, and they always, always did their absolute best to be easy to work with.
The publishing houses hold this last item in particularly high regard.
If you’re not easy to work with, or you burn bridges at the drop of a hat, or you’re convinced that you are “better” than anyone else in your chosen field, they won’t want to work with you. Period.

Your reputation and image are whatever you make them. Maybe you ARE the best at what you do, but perhaps that is a fact that should be kept inside your head. Project confidence, but remember where you started. Write from the heart, and demonstrate genius, but respect the genius in other writers around you.

It’s a simple concept, and if employed correctly, it pushes sales, future books, and all sorts of opportunities. It also keeps you grounded and happy and sought after.
That should be reason enough to be humble, yes?

A contented, giving, humble and open persona invites success. Your character is your fate.

You may be remembered for your brilliance, but strive to be loved and revered for your goodness.

Owning the chaos

Organization is NOT one of my natural gifts. I really have to work at it. Thankfully, I have been blessed with a good (really good) memory, and that somewhat makes up for the organization deficit.

My office is a den of chaos. I’ve had offers from friends and family to help “straighten” it up. One even started on it without my knowledge or consent, but I stopped her in the nick of time..while having a quiet, yet full-on panic attack.

It may look chaotic to others, but I know exactly where everything is. Just because it doesn’t look all neat and tidy (which translates to creepy-like) to me, it works for my left of center brain functionality, and it works for my life.

There are a few questions I am asked over and over. They are all tied to my personal chaos. examples: Why do you never sleep? How do you maintain a filing system in your head? What’s your typical day like? I’m going to address one of those here. (I will get to the sleep question on another blog, I promise, I know it’s a subject of much speculation, haha)

So, what is a typical day for me…
I’m an early morning person, I’m usually up by 5am, some days a bit earlier. I run on days when the weather of the day is cooperating, or do something else in the cardio arena on the days that don’t. I drink a lot of coffee. A lot. While I’m doing that, I check email to see if there are any emergencies, then do a quick round on the social media sites to say hello. I don’t spend much time on those, as much as I’d like to,
I just can’t
Get the child up, fed, off to school at 7am, then I work on proposals, queries, editing, phone calls, conference with publishers, follow ups, market research, etc. This continues until 3pm, when the kid is released from school, and I am mom, chauffeur to myriad activities, cook, housekeeper, all the fun domestic stuff. Add in the random errands, etc., and its non-stop all the time.
After the family is down for the night, I repeat many of the above listed work tasks again..maybe I sleep, and maybe I don’t. Depends on the volume of work, and whether or not sleep is even an option.
Wow, sounds like fun, yes? Sounds like some chaos, right?

Well, it is, but I dig it. It’s not glamourous or fancy, but I embrace it. Sometimes you have to make chaos your bitch.

I love my job. I’m honored to work for the best writers and boss on the planet. I get up everyday looking forward to the tasks.

I dig my chaos. I’m keeping it.

Sweet people scare me.

There are a lot of adjectives that people would use to describe me..most of them positive, I think, haha.
However, ‘sweet’ isn’t one of them. Neither are soft, cuddly, or girly, or anything else in this general realm that might pop up in your handy thesaurus. (and I KNOW you writerly types have one within arms reach at all times I’ve been called gruff, real, outspoken, etc. I also am very protective of those I care about.. I’ll take it, that’s all cool.

You know what? This doesn’t bother me at all. I’ve never put much stock in syrupy sweetness. It makes me a bit uncomfortable, like I’m a part of a hidden camera show where there’s a crew of people filming, waiting to see how I will react to this type of encounter. You know what I’m talking about. The person that has that “valley of the dolls” uber-vapid look on their face.. The ones that say things like, “it’s such a blessing to have blue skies today.” or, oh my..”I’m more in love with my husband every year!” (with a vacant stare)

Really? No…Really?

I don’t believe a single word of it.

I think so many people fall into this kind of attitude? response? coma? because somewhere, someone told them they should. Think of it as the next level of the typical American greeting. Here you go;

greeting ~ “Hi, how are you?”
response ~ “Fine, thanks”

I don’t believe a single word of it. Nope.

There’s just no possible way that everyone is “fine” all the time. It’s not real, it’s just rote memorization, and an avoidance of interaction. Not good, people. Not good at all.. Scary.

[commercial break: I do know a few people that are positive thinkers. They aren't vapid, they are really sharp. I also imagine that they work hard at that positivity. They care about others, and they mean what they say. Maybe they have an extra DNA strand, or somesuch, but they do exist in small numbers. And they get an A for effort. They are excused from the remainder of this blog. ]

For the past several years, in a kind of personal experiment, I’ve responded to the above ‘greeting’ with a truthful answer. If the day is hella bad, or the dog just threw up on the carpet, or I feel like I might go postal, that’s what I say. If I have had something wonderful happen, or I’ve just witnessed a random act of kindness, I share that response.
Guess what?
This usually brings about an honest response from the other person too. We share a laugh or a smile, and the whole interaction is way more satisfying than the norm. Couldn’t we all benefit from a little more real interaction with our fellow man? Yes…indeed.

Find out how someone is really doing today. Any random innocuous situation. The grocery store, the gas station. Give it a try. Have a two minute conversation with someone. I dare you. Take off the masks of invisibility. It just might change your life.
It just might prevent humanity declining into a dystopian, apocalyptic society… Maybe…
It’s worth a shot, yes?

By the way, how are YOU doing today?
Really?