Humility is important

I’m swamped under with work right now, but I’ve let this blog sit idle for too long…so I’m going to do a quick post on something that, sadly, I encounter often…the lack of humility.

I’m a big believer in being confident about what you believe in, what you do, and yourself in general. That being said, in any artistic industry there are those that understand the difference between confidence and pomposity, and those who don’t.
You know who I’m talking about..

The writers (published or not) that bash other writers, agents, publishers, whomever…in blogs and public forums, on social media and on websites. Authors that purvey a sense of superiority and entitlement.
The ones that make you cringe with their self importance.

Let me be abundantly clear, being a writer is a wonderful occupation. I have the utmost respect for writers.
Writing as a career is a culmination of hard work, dedication, and dreams.
It’s not easily attainable and society does hold published authors in high regard. It’s like reaching a Holy Grail of sorts, and a fantastic accomplishment…..

However….

Let’s go back to the important word in that paragraph. Occupation. Yes, it’s an occupation, a career, a way to make a living for the few that can reach that level. It’s a job. Are you reading me here?

Any career takes a certain amount of fortitude, dedication and sweat. Let’s use the medical profession as an example; any career in medicine requires additional education, lots of studying, and hard work. I have a great respect for people who work in medicine, it’s something I could never do, I’d be an emotional wreck. When I have had to see a doctor, or physical therapist, or take my daughter to a pediatrician, I want to see the best one available. I also want someone who is kind, humble, and approachable.
That is key.
If that crucial component is missing, you can bet I will never return.
Image matters, personality and goodness of heart matters.
Humility and relatability matter.
Capisce’ ?

So why should it be any different for writers? Truthfully, it’s not. If a writer is not in touch with humility, they simply won’t have continued success. In cases of unpublished writers, that are being shopped by an agent, unless they posses some modesty and redeeming qualities in their personalities, they probably won’t publish a second book.

I’ve worked with a wide range of authors.. some who have had one published novel that sold 5000 or so copies all the way up to authors that have had 8 NYTimes bestsellers.
The common denominator in success that I have observed?
They never let it go to their head.
Ever.
They never stopped being kind, relating to their fans and authors of other books or genres, they always strive for improvement, and they always, always did their absolute best to be easy to work with.
The publishing houses hold this last item in particularly high regard.
If you’re not easy to work with, or you burn bridges at the drop of a hat, or you’re convinced that you are “better” than anyone else in your chosen field, they won’t want to work with you. Period.

Your reputation and image are whatever you make them. Maybe you ARE the best at what you do, but perhaps that is a fact that should be kept inside your head. Project confidence, but remember where you started. Write from the heart, and demonstrate genius, but respect the genius in other writers around you.

It’s a simple concept, and if employed correctly, it pushes sales, future books, and all sorts of opportunities. It also keeps you grounded and happy and sought after.
That should be reason enough to be humble, yes?

A contented, giving, humble and open persona invites success. Your character is your fate.

You may be remembered for your brilliance, but strive to be loved and revered for your goodness.

Owning the chaos

Organization is NOT one of my natural gifts. I really have to work at it. Thankfully, I have been blessed with a good (really good) memory, and that somewhat makes up for the organization deficit.

My office is a den of chaos. I’ve had offers from friends and family to help “straighten” it up. One even started on it without my knowledge or consent, but I stopped her in the nick of time..while having a quiet, yet full-on panic attack.

It may look chaotic to others, but I know exactly where everything is. Just because it doesn’t look all neat and tidy (which translates to creepy-like) to me, it works for my left of center brain functionality, and it works for my life.

There are a few questions I am asked over and over. They are all tied to my personal chaos. examples: Why do you never sleep? How do you maintain a filing system in your head? What’s your typical day like? I’m going to address one of those here. (I will get to the sleep question on another blog, I promise, I know it’s a subject of much speculation, haha)

So, what is a typical day for me…
I’m an early morning person, I’m usually up by 5am, some days a bit earlier. I run on days when the weather of the day is cooperating, or do something else in the cardio arena on the days that don’t. I drink a lot of coffee. A lot. While I’m doing that, I check email to see if there are any emergencies, then do a quick round on the social media sites to say hello. I don’t spend much time on those, as much as I’d like to,
I just can’t
Get the child up, fed, off to school at 7am, then I work on proposals, queries, editing, phone calls, conference with publishers, follow ups, market research, etc. This continues until 3pm, when the kid is released from school, and I am mom, chauffeur to myriad activities, cook, housekeeper, all the fun domestic stuff. Add in the random errands, etc., and its non-stop all the time.
After the family is down for the night, I repeat many of the above listed work tasks again..maybe I sleep, and maybe I don’t. Depends on the volume of work, and whether or not sleep is even an option.
Wow, sounds like fun, yes? Sounds like some chaos, right?

Well, it is, but I dig it. It’s not glamourous or fancy, but I embrace it. Sometimes you have to make chaos your bitch.

I love my job. I’m honored to work for the best writers and boss on the planet. I get up everyday looking forward to the tasks.

I dig my chaos. I’m keeping it.

Sweet people scare me.

There are a lot of adjectives that people would use to describe me..most of them positive, I think, haha.
However, ‘sweet’ isn’t one of them. Neither are soft, cuddly, or girly, or anything else in this general realm that might pop up in your handy thesaurus. (and I KNOW you writerly types have one within arms reach at all times I’ve been called gruff, real, outspoken, etc. I also am very protective of those I care about.. I’ll take it, that’s all cool.

You know what? This doesn’t bother me at all. I’ve never put much stock in syrupy sweetness. It makes me a bit uncomfortable, like I’m a part of a hidden camera show where there’s a crew of people filming, waiting to see how I will react to this type of encounter. You know what I’m talking about. The person that has that “valley of the dolls” uber-vapid look on their face.. The ones that say things like, “it’s such a blessing to have blue skies today.” or, oh my..”I’m more in love with my husband every year!” (with a vacant stare)

Really? No…Really?

I don’t believe a single word of it.

I think so many people fall into this kind of attitude? response? coma? because somewhere, someone told them they should. Think of it as the next level of the typical American greeting. Here you go;

greeting ~ “Hi, how are you?”
response ~ “Fine, thanks”

I don’t believe a single word of it. Nope.

There’s just no possible way that everyone is “fine” all the time. It’s not real, it’s just rote memorization, and an avoidance of interaction. Not good, people. Not good at all.. Scary.

[commercial break: I do know a few people that are positive thinkers. They aren't vapid, they are really sharp. I also imagine that they work hard at that positivity. They care about others, and they mean what they say. Maybe they have an extra DNA strand, or somesuch, but they do exist in small numbers. And they get an A for effort. They are excused from the remainder of this blog. ]

For the past several years, in a kind of personal experiment, I’ve responded to the above ‘greeting’ with a truthful answer. If the day is hella bad, or the dog just threw up on the carpet, or I feel like I might go postal, that’s what I say. If I have had something wonderful happen, or I’ve just witnessed a random act of kindness, I share that response.
Guess what?
This usually brings about an honest response from the other person too. We share a laugh or a smile, and the whole interaction is way more satisfying than the norm. Couldn’t we all benefit from a little more real interaction with our fellow man? Yes…indeed.

Find out how someone is really doing today. Any random innocuous situation. The grocery store, the gas station. Give it a try. Have a two minute conversation with someone. I dare you. Take off the masks of invisibility. It just might change your life.
It just might prevent humanity declining into a dystopian, apocalyptic society… Maybe…
It’s worth a shot, yes?

By the way, how are YOU doing today?
Really?

Blogging is a commitment!

When I reluctantly began this blog, I thought I’d write something everyday. Ha!
Between the “real” (and awesome) job of representing writers and their novels, the household duties, the kid’s activities and my somewhat high-maintenance husband… perhaps this was too lofty a goal. Henceforth, I’m going to shoot for a few times a week, hopefully I can fit that into an already overextended schedule!
How do we manage our time? Is everyone dealing with utter chaos like me? Or are there really actual people out there that have their act together…hmm.. I wonder. I’ve always thought I was in the majority on the whole “flying by the seat of my pants” credo. I also thought that those rare folks that seemed to have it together were either good actors, or good liars. In today’s world, how could anyone have a normal schedule. Society tells us to do more, and more, and do it faster. I’ve found a few ways to deal with that particular demand.

First of all, the only people I’m accountable to are my family and my clients. They don’t really care if the dusting isn’t done, or if we have sandwiches for dinner. I’ve abandoned the ideal of super-woman. I’d like my tombstone to read, “she was a lot of fun, and she deeply loved those she cared about” instead of “she kept a clean house”. Prioritize the tasks, people. Leave the tertiary BS behind, and enjoy those moments with family and friends and clients / co-workers. They are worth it, and so are you.

Secondly, give yourself a break at least once a week. Read a book, sit by a pool or in a park and daydream. Call a long-distance friend and catch up. There are plenty of enjoyable things to do, you just have to decide to do them. Having a day of “me” time is invaluable to our sanity and attitudes. Just allow yourself to make the time. Ok, amen.

Lastly, the people you care about should always be your top priority. Children grow up fast, and spouses generally just want to spend quality time with us, so put them first. You’ll be a better person for it. Take your kid to the library, or for a bike ride. Make a special dinner / evening for your spouse. And never, EVER miss an opportunity to tell someone how much you love them. I say it to family and friends many times every day. If you feel it, why not articulate it more often. You can’t overuse the ‘I love you’ phrase. Trust me on this. Say it every chance you get. We only get the day once. Nobody gets a do-over on the past. Live hard, love hard, play hard. The world will be a better place for it.

Until next time, love to all of you.

coffee, coffee, and query letters…

After beginning my blog journey yesterday with a rant, I thought I would switch gears today and talk about two things that start, and if done correctly, inspire my day.. coffee and query letters. They have some similarities.. a good blend and the right amount of accompaniments are crucial. Let me begin with coffee, and… prepare yourself.. it is a passion of mine.

My love affair with hot caffeinated beverages started in college. It was a means of mental stimulation that I used to study, or to wake up and be coherent for class after too much partying the night before. Back then I was somewhat naive about the quality of the coffee I was drinking. If it had enough kick, then it worked for me. Fast forward a bit and I found myself living in Italy for three years. It was an overall wondrous experience, and in-depth blog worthy at some point, but I digress.. I can definitively say this about Italy and its lovely culture; they are damned serious about their coffee.  Go into any establishment that is a sales or high traffic environment, and you are going to see elaborate coffee counters that make Starbucks look like a child playing dress-up. Italians have reached a level of perfection in caffeine consumption that has no peer. I’d mainline the stuff 24/7 if I had the patience to drag around an IV. Not only does it offer superior taste, but it inspires social commentary and group gatherings. One of the most fascinating coffee experiences I have ever witnessed occurs in any Italian city or province, in a town square on any Sunday, late morning.  If you ever have the chance to travel to Italy, this is something that you do not want to miss. Sunday is market day in Italy. On the streets surrounding a town’s square there is a walk through market that offers vendors selling everything from locally grown produce, pieces of art, books, complete meals, even pajamas. Generally these markets are busy, but not rushed. You stroll through, eating and talking and just soaking up the surroundings. When I first happened on the town square in one of these Sunday markets I could hear the voices from about a block away. I thought there must be some special event or political rally or somesuch goings on because of the volume and the number of people. When it was in my line of sight I stopped and watched. It looked like hundreds of people had gathered there for something important. They were well dressed (the men were even wearing hats with their sport coats!) and there were clusters of 3-5 people talking and gesturing with emphasis and passion.  Then I realized that they were all holding cups of coffee in some form or another, with espresso being the front runner choice. I also realized after watching for some time that they weren’t waiting for something to start or happen. This WAS the event. Yes, standing in the town square and having fantastic coffee while engaging in witty, intellectual banter or debate WAS the event. It happens every weekend. The sense of excitement was intriguing. It engaged me enough to drag my friend (and Italian language teacher) with me the next weekend. It was an experience I could never forget. I think the most interesting facets of these Sunday coffee gatherings are 1) the fact that most of the people there do not know each other, they are typically socializing and meeting NEW people.. and 2) the coffee seemed to be a critical part of what drew them there in the first place. It is important to note that espresso was the coffee of choice. There were a few cappucinos and lattes smattered throughout the crowd, clearly a niche market, but largely espresso ruled. I adore espresso. It doesn’t fool around. It has just enough strong flavor and bite to it to taste good, but it also gets the job done in the caffeine arena. Espresso is the straight shooter in the wide world of coffees. It gets your attention, and it has some attitude.

So how do coffee and espresso relate to query letters, you might ask? A good query letter is like a good espresso. It doesn’t snark around. It gets your attention right at the beginning and it makes its point. A good query can inspire discussion throughout the office. It makes you want more, and before you know it..you are hooked. I know, I know…guidelines, yes? Every agency (including mine) has guidelines for submissions and queries, right? The key is to follow those guidelines, as they are there for a reason, but know that the query has to have that strong point early on. Any agent that looks at hundreds of these queries per month can usually tell in the first paragraph of a query whether there is strength there…or not. Queries should work like a jolt of espresso to the system. They should stimulate and engage and inspire discussion. They should make an agent want more.  Most of all they should tell a story that anyone can understand and they should tell it clearly with vigor and passion.

There are those rare mornings when I find myself, gasp.. out of coffee. I suppose I could make do with a thermos of instant coffee, but what I usually want is a triple espresso from the independent coffee house down the street.  Don’t settle for mediocrity when you can have perfection, right?

I know, right?

Yes, I did. I started a blog. Do not ask me why I finally caved in to this particular whimsy, as I am pleading the fifth. Self expression, artistic outlet, maybe narcissism? (let’s do be honest here, people.. who really knows why we do most of the things we do?)  I’m going to chalk it up to a Lost Highway-ish weekend and an ongoing lack of sleep. If you are still reading, then welcome. I do hope we can have some fun and that I can slightly amuse you. I suppose the first thing I should do here is state that the opinions, thoughts, ramblings, and other general tomfoolery posted here are my own and do not reflect my employer, family, friends, pets, or innocent bystanders. Whew, ok.. I should probably add that even though I work with writers..I am not a writer. I edit and sell brilliant writings by other people. I know most of you are confused at this point, yes? Let me make this abundantly clear.. I am not a writer. I am not a proofreader. I can guarantee that the spelling here will be acceptable, I do read a lot and I am decently educated, but my official title is that of Literary Agent. I might add that the type of editing I do with my clients is story development, transitions, character development, etc. So if you are offended by my slutty grammar and punctuation perhaps you should read one of my client’s blogs. The writerly types do that sort of thing much better. In plain English; there is no need to feel all superior and point out a punctuation or grammar mistake as I have already ceded to your superiority.  Instead, just be happy that you’re right, yes? Ok, enough snarking around…  Let’s talk about Mondays.

I actually know a real person that loves Mondays. This perplexes me to no end. I’d love to get to a place where I could say that I peacefully coexist with Monday. I do not see that happening anytime soon. I have tried a lot of different approaches and even pondered ritual sacrifice to stack the deck in my favor but nothing works. Mondays blow. They overwhelm me.  The number of emails to return. The laundry that mocks my inner housewife. I could go on and on, but suffice it to say that I absolutely hate Mondays with a passion. The real dilemna here is that they can’t be avoided. If I could just tack it onto the weekend I would commence with that  immediately, but unless I could convince the rest of the world to get behind that idea it wouldn’t work.  Instituting a world-wide calendar change sounds tiring, especially on a Monday, yes? So I try and get through them any way I can. Usually with a lot of expletive-filled bitching and procrastination but I do eventually make it to Tuesday and then my equilibrium levels out and all is right with the world again. Why the diatribe, you might ask.. and especially those of you who know me personally… ok, herein lies the rub: I don’t really work a normal work week. I work some every day in varying degrees (yes, Sunday too..save the sermon, thank you) and I also work most nights after my family is asleep. This should really cancel out the whole Monday frame of mind, right?  I think a decent Monday should be like a special bonus for all those extra hours I work. My Mondays should have stopped being a nuisance a long time ago, and this makes me suspicious. It makes me think that my Monday woes and attitudes are not stemming from an internal source, but an external one. Essentially I’m blaming everyone else for my Monday suck factor. On this particular Monday, 2/22/10,  I’d like to personally blame the two rude drivers that I encountered earlier, and who felt it necessary to honk because I wasn’t going fast enough for their liking. I’d also like to mention the tech department at our cable company, was it really necessary for you to keep me on the phone for two hours? I’d be eternally grateful if everyone else could just make Monday nicer for me. That would work, and I wouldn’t even have to be involved. Thank you all in advance for your cooperation.

Now I can see why the whole blogging thing is such the rage…